If you are a woman and you can say that you have zero insecurities----YOUR LIEING. How many of us get swallowed up by our insecurities? How many of us let them rule over us, influencing our every move? How can we move past them, in order to live a positive life? How can we continue to have healthy long lasting relationships?
Most people who know me would never see insecurity on my face. Your first impression of me would more often be that I'm a confidant woman immediately as I walk into a room. Don't let my face fool you.
This past week I must admit I've been struggling with what I've figured out...is little devils tucked deep beneath my confidant facade. I am most insecure of people I love leaving me. My poor husband of 7 years still has to pay for what was done to me in my past. I feel sorry for him at times.
This Saturday my family and I were eating lunch at my favorite (don't ask why) kid friendly restaurant Red Robin. I was in a particular hormonal mood....prior to lunch we had our pictures done and any of you that have 2 small children know how stressful that can be. I looked across the table and saw my husband staring at a woman clear on the other side of the room, with a forced hidden smirk all over his face. I asked him "what are you smiling at?" he replied, still forcing his lips to not turn up "I'll tell you later" I pushed "No, tell me right now...I'm going to sit here and stare at you until you tell me what the heck is going on in your head" (Wow, and yet he loves that I have determination...somehow I don't think he does at this point) I'm not sure why I absolutely needed to know why he was staring at that woman...yes I have insecurities but hardly not about other women. Finally after about 5 minutes of back and forthing, he sadly looked at me and said "I told them to sing Happy Birthday to you, because I wanted to see you smile".......
Oh man......
Not only did I feel like a complete jerk, but I had robbed him of giving me the kindest gesture that I was already completely undeserving of. I was speechless and made a vow to myself to never push him into submission again!
On the way home, my guilt as a wife that day had overwhelmed me. I turned to him and explained "I'm afraid you are going to leave me and the kids, if I don't make you happy"....This is why I feel sorry for my poor husband. After 7 years? Has he not shown me he is in it for the long haul? Will he ever be able to prove it? Will I ever feel secure? The answer.....
Probably not.
Insecurity is a feeling. No matter what or where the root of it lies...it is a feeling. If you live your life on a feeling...your never really going to live. I let my feelings control me that day. I was hormonal, I felt insecure....blah blah....all feelings. And look at the damage it caused? We as woman must harbor those feelings. Don't let them control you, because if you do...someday what you are feeling (afraid of loved ones leaving) really will come true. The next time I feel those feelings of insecurity creep up, for the sake of my husband and children, I must keep them under control. I like to write them down and put them in my "God Box". Giving it to God, He knows where those little devils belong.
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