Monday, May 23, 2011

The 5 month itch

Lilly Bea will be 5 months old in 5 days. Since day one she has been exclusively breast fed with little to no problems. Since I developed mastitis about a month ago...breastfeeding has pretty much sucked. My supply went to an all time low on what I call "the bad side" (it's my right side, milk comes slow, it looks basically deformed and it's where I've had mastitis 3 times....not to mention it's now 2 cup sizes smaller than the other) every time I put her there she fusses-yells at me-pulls away (you can imagine how embarrassing this gets in public when she violently flings her head back exposing my sad little boob the minute I even tilt her to the right side). It's really not very glamorous...I work 2 or 3 days a week and have to find the time for 20 minutes of pumping 3 times a day-I barely have time to use the restroom at my job. And pumping SUCKS. That's the non glamorous part...I'm literally being milked LIKE  A COW in a bathroom with random knocks at the door for patrons wanting to use the toilet!
Everything was so easy before! Why is this the dreadful month? Same thing happened with Austin!! I've contracted an illness...I've diagnosed myself with

THE 5 MONTH (breastfeeding) ITCH

I know your thinking "umm...duh she's gonna quit" ...No...I'm apparently a masochistic Mother. I will stay in this and struggle day by day until I really have no other option. I pray it gets better. I make it sound terrible, but really I'm just venting.

Ok time to be positive

It's free. It doesn't smell like sour disgustingness that I wouldn't put in my own mouth. (I'm not judging formula...I only nursed Austin exclusively for under 8 months). It's statistically proven to lower her and my risk of breast cancer, helps her immunity, less likely to be a picky eater, I can eat a donut and not feel bad <--------- my favorite ;) Lots and lots of more reasons.....and really the bonding experience is like no other when she's on "the good side"

I'm just venting....like so many other breastfeeding Mother's (Where are they? Because I only know of my sister at the moment!) We see bottle fed babies, and they sleep all night, can be fed easily half the amount of times I nurse, the mommies can drink 8 cups of coffee a day with not a worry (Lil Bea would be wired!!)

Oops I started being negative again...

Am I going to stop right now? No. Do I want to? Not really. Would I love prayers and words of encouragement? Yes please!! I'm trying to do what's best for her because I've come this far, maybe this is just a little hurdle. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now I must hit my goal of 6 months and after that we'll see where we are after that.

This is a very personal pic. Lilly looking up at me after her very first latch.
My Sis Jess and I nursing under the communal blanket!

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Alisha,
I tried breastfeeding with both of my babies. Unfortunately, they both do this push-out-thrust movement with their tongues. I saw multiple lactation specialists after both births, and even they admitted pumping would be best. I wish I could experience breastfeeding without the stress and frustration both myself and my babies feel when I try it, but now that Leeland is four months and I have taken the advice and given him bottles only, I must say I feel so much more relaxed and free. I am able to feed and bond with Leeland, but I also have the option to have him eat in a nearby bouncy seat while I use the time to bond with Bella, since she rarely gets time with me without him.
There are most definitely some amazing benefits to exclusive breastfeeding, and if you can do it and it works for you, don't stop! I encourage you to continue pressing through this difficult time! If, however, you reach a point where you're exhausted, frustrated, and find yourself impatient with Austin over this issues, feel no guilt in letting it go and focusing on simply enjoying your beautiful children. I love you friend!

Anonymous said...

Alisha you are awesome and a very strong mommy, stick with it all they way, I know you can do it. You totally described me in the bottle feeding mommy part, I do almost drink 8 cups of coffee a day, but I would trade it all to nurse my son again. I only nursed him for a week and it is my all time biggest regret and I am still currently sad about. If we have another kid I will try again, with more determination. I will be praying that you feel better and your one side gets better. I know how one side can effect everything, I stopped because of one side. You are a super momma!!