It starts little by little. Your driving to work in traffic (speeding ticket doesn't help!), you walk into the break room to hear a giant negativity fest on who's doing what wrong, your mood shifts, your day continues, and your tired body drives home, you walk in the door only to find... utter chaos......this is the key point here....at the end of the day your family gets the tired soul that in the beginning of the day is battling against the war, at the end of the day sometimes you just don't have the strength to fight it off.
For me, when my soul is tired;
I nag my husband.
I raise my voice to my son.
I yell at my poor little ignored Bozley that is constantly under my feet
Here is a little tid-bit of what my home sounded like after I walked in the door last week
"Babe next time can you PLEASE load the salad bowl on the top rack not the bottom? You warped it!" (I'm lucky he even does the dishes)....Austin "GET OFF THE TABLE"....Lilly is in the back round giving me a warning she's hungry...."Bozley GO TO YOUR ROOM" (as my dog was trying to give me a greeting by scratching at my legs quickly runs to his kennel)...."Babe, SERIOUSLY there is an OPEN dirty diaper sitting on the FLOOR!! (again, the things I nag and yell at him for seem to be things I should be appreciative he even does!) Lilly has taken to doing her high pitched shrill because it's the only way she can be heard above the chaos...."Austin is throwing a tantrum because he is trying to communicate he's hungry and wants to get into the fruit basket, "Austin USE YOUR WORDS"... All the while Justin is sitting on the couch wanting to just pass out from his 10 hour day at work, then immediately being the sole parent while I work until 7:30. "BABE PLEEEASE TURN OFF THE TV!!!"
Reading this, makes me sad how I treat the people I love. Reading this, also makes me see how easy it is for things to get out of control. We as women set the mood for our house. It is up to us to change this.
Saturday night as my hubby and I sat down to have our quiet time, I turned to him and said "You are depressed, what is wrong with you? You're so negative lately, and I feel like I don't even know you." In saying this to him, I was saying to myself as well. He replied "I feel like I have nothing to look forward to, I go to work and it's negative, I come home and your always in a bad mood, the kids are crazy, I work for the weekend....it goes by so fast, and then everything starts all over". This scared me. How could this have happened? Did I do this to my husband? Does his biggest source of happiness start with me? Did I turn him into this empty shell in a few short (hard) weeks? The answer to all of this is YES.
Sunday morning at church the Pastor asked us "Do you live in a house at war? Or a house at rest? When you drive up to your house, do you feel a sense of peace? Or do you feel tense? Is there yelling? (a pit in my stomach formed as I sink in my chair) Is there conditional love, where you will only treat someone with love if they treat you with love first? (I sink a little lower) Are you nagging at your spouse? (At this point I'm basically off my chair in pure shame)...
For everything that I work so hard for, for all of the answers I feel I know, for everything I strive every day to be....it all could fall apart on me in a those short weeks. And it did. And I only have me to blame. STUPID! I'm so happy our Pastor hits us on the head every now and then, because we all need a little wake up call.
Don't take the pressures of the world out on your family. Your loved ones are on YOUR side! As much as you might think that you don't....you might find that you do. Try video tapping your home for 10 minutes and listen to what is being said. I'm ashamed at how often I was yelling at my little "hearts on legs"
I really don't want any yelling in my home. It snowballs from there, and quickly becomes an avalanche of more and more yelling. I have posted a note in the heart of my home (the kitchen) that reads "House of Rest", as a reminder to myself not to yell, to take a deep breathe before I open my mouth. My mouth, after all, is my greatest weapon in turning my home into a war zone. This is going to be hard, and it will be work...but what I am working towards I know is my greatest blessing.
My family.
How could you yell at those faces?
3 comments:
I am right there with you. I realized over my last weekend at women's retreat, that I am focusing way too much attention on the house and it's perfection and too little time on my kids and Mike. Our house was always at war because I felt tense and angry when something was out of place. I know there is a happy medium between the two and I aam having to try and find it, with God's and Mike's help. I will pray for you all! I love you!
I just sunk all the way to the floor of my office just now, reading that. As I read every sentence, I'm raising my hand like "yep, that's me...that's me too..." Ugh. I have found myself so negative lately and need to really turn it around. Thanks for posting this...I needed to hear it.
PS. That is an AMAZING family picture!!!! Look how you all light up. <3
I love you, Alisha. You are such a good mommy and wife! This post is such a reminder of our need to take control of our emotions and keep ourselves in perspective. What really matters? I love you, friend :)
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