There was a new jumper toy for babies she asked me to see if he liked, she turned around for a second, turned back, and said "well are you going to put him in it?" I replied "I did, he made a face, so I took him out, he doesn't like it". She looked at me and rolled her eyes like I was crazy....I was.
Another circumstance showing I had no control, was when we decided to take a vacation to Oregon to visit my family. More exhausting than a relaxing vacation, it almost wasn't even worth it....he was into everything!
We entered in my Aunt's house. The minute I walked in, I just wanted to die. In every place you looked there was a tiny porcelin figurine...all at ground level for my 1 year olds curious fingers. She simply stated "OH don't worry there isn't anything he can break that isn't replaceable"....yeah right. It wasn't 30 minutes into the visit when he found 2 precious moments figures, one in each hand, before I could even open my mouth he smashed them both 2 sharp times, causing there heads rolling on the floor at his feet. I was mortified. On the way home the only thing I felt was shame. I felt the only place for my son and I was in our home (where is was babyproofed). We couldn't go anywhere (the world is not babyproofed). Everywhere there was some type of meltdown, something breaking, my husband and I arguing over how to resolve the conflict....we were a mess and it was our fault.
Perhaps giving your child everything their soul desires isn't the right thing? Bingo! In my defense, I didn't know better. In Austin's defense, he was simply being guided by the blind!
It wasn't until Lilly was born that I absolutely needed to gain control over my son. My hands were tied and I just couldn't follow him around everywhere. I had no idea that a firm hand could be so beneficial towards him.
Most of you know that basically all I do is read parenting books. Most of them say "Control their will now, or you never will". What gift was I giving him by letting him make the rules? How was that loving him? It's not. It is our responsibility to show them right from wrong. It is our responsibility to make sure your husbands come home to a house at rest. We must guide them! Letting them give in to the desires of the flesh is setting yourself up for a confused and angry teenager.
A huge fear of mine used to be that my children would grow up and hate me. Or worse, hate God.
In my current book it states in BOLD;
"FROM BIRTH, PARENTS MUST ASSUME CONTROL AND ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THE MORAL DEVELOPMENT OF THEIR CHILDREN"
So lets get this straight, if the parents gain control...eventually when the parents aren't there who will guide them? God. It's hand in hand.
Does this mean we should destroy all of their natural drives? No. It isn't our job to be policeman. But we must teach them self control. Most of what you teach them before the age of 3, will stay with them forever. Don't take this responsibility lightly. And this also doesn't mean they will never test their boundaries, or one day eventually falter. One thing I know for sure is that when my children grow up, they will know right from wrong, they will know accountability, and self control. If they falter, I will know I did the best I possibly could to guide them. I love them that much.
For all Mommies out there I recommend these 2 books:
Please remember where the heart of the matter is. In no way do I think my children will know I love them by showing them discipline. It's more about training them the right way, so punishment will be dramatically less. How awesome is that?
Training them BEFORE they faltar = less punishment!!
This past week I've needed to line up boundaries in my home. My home is a house at peace, and Austin is a calmer, much happier little boy, who I now can enjoy bonding moments and cuddles, because he knows he doesn't have to think of anything else but just being a kid. Do you think a screaming toddler in a store is happy? No. Are you? No! Was I happy that I was holed up in my house for 2 years and couldn't take him anywhere? Why did I even want more children if that was the case? All of these things I'm learning. My children are such a blessing to my life. They bring me joy and honor. And I LOVE being their Mommy.
3 comments:
Love it!!
You continue to amaze me with your well thought out and heartfelt writings, Alisha! As I said before, your babies are very lucky to have you for a Mommy!
Thank you Jenni and Aunt Erin! It was a worry of mine that how can my kids turn out good? Is it all just chance, like it seems to have been for me? This helps ease my worry's. I don't want to raise children in hopes they are "easy" or somehow turn out good, I want to be a part in that-one day they might thank me!!
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