Remembering God's Will isn't Always Wrapped in a Pretty Package.

I have been a Christian as long as I can remember. Why then, do I forget that walking under the will of the Most High doesn't always make sense? I have learned that God's will sometimes means I am led places I didn't expect, and in some cases- never really get an answer as to why I was there.

A year and a half ago, the Lord clearly placed on our hearts to home school. We thanked Him for the challenge and even arranged our home and work to offer them a life of learning from their parents. I embraced it whole heartedly, knowing it would be  a struggle but relying on faith that God's hand was over this decision. As time grew on, I became more and more anxious about my role as teacher for my son. To be specific, it was extremely difficult for me to converse with him. It was darn near impossible to get him to look me in the eye, let alone focus on tasks that even interested him. I changed his diet, read a zillion books, remained on my knees and prayed through every step of the way. I also noticed that he would get very high levels of anxiety in social settings, and especially small enclosed rooms. I knew that God has called me to teach my child, but my heart was being changed. I didn't feel right watching my son hindered socially and expressively. I felt the Lord guide me into testing, and gaining more information on him. We decided to get him tested through the school district. There were countless meetings, testings, hearing the word "NO", and being zipped from one school to another. Every meeting was covered in prayer. Every day at school I prayed over my little boy, and asked God to continue to lead him and me. He was tested for Autism, only to come back negative. Finally, I found a specialist in behavioral disorders and within 24 hours he was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
It hurts me to type that label. I fear my son will be pigeon-holed into opinions and classifications. Mothers reading this, please don't let anyone tell you who your child is. You KNOW WHO THEY ARE. If it's a label they need to give your child added benefits, then good. In my case it was what we needed to learn more information about our child so we could help him. But never give up on your child, just because they are what professionals consider "different", it doesn't mean anything other than what they write on a piece of paper. I will never ever accept my son is less. I will help and encourage him to be a man of God, and a benefit to this world and our eternal life.

I would be lying if I said I haven't questioned God through this. My human mind is weak at times, and I find myself wondering why God allowed this for my son and for our family. What did I do wrong? How can I endure this?

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels--a plentiful harvest of new lives" John 12:24

Sometimes God's will isn't wrapped up in a pretty little package. Sometimes, bad seeds come our way. Unless we die to ourselves, our weak human selves, we will never be able to enjoy the plentiful harvest that is to come. The Lord has taught me more than I ever could've imagine through my son.  I thank the Lord for trusting me with this cup.

Leaping in Faith.

Throwing my hands up in the air, and giving my life completely ( and I mean COMPLETELY) to the Lord has been no easy task. Through this long journey of FINALLY getting into our new place I've been awakened to new things. As much as I thought my hands weren't gripped with white knuckles on to my life, in some ways they were.
Growing up I moved from place to place more times than one can imagine. As soon as we would feel settled something always uprooted us. I'm not sure if I was born this way, or if it was learned but I've come to find out I don't like moving much! I find comfort in knowing I will receive a steady paycheck, and come to my home the way I left it. I don't particularly "jump" into new opportunitys with out weighing all my options, and possibly waiting much to long leaving the iron ice cold;)
Through much prayer the the Lord would provide us with stable renters, on His perfect timing we found them. Leaving us with 30 days to find a place and move. On went our search for the perfect house that would fit all our needs for the future, we were quite sure the Lord would provide down to the last detail. I had narrowed our choices down to 3 about 2 weeks before our move was to start. At the edge of the bed my hubby and I made a pro and con list in hopes we could agree on one! We came to find that our home we knew the Lord would provide was not presented to us yet. I can't even describe how upset I was in that moment.   I could "settle", as Hubby put it, on any of those homes and been perfectly happy! But the Lord has not called us wives to make these decisions ourself. He sees us as one. So if our hearts were not aligned on this home, there was no way His hand was on any of our choices at that time. What comes next? We move in with family till we find it! 4 of us living with his sisters' other large family, hard... but manageable. Would the old me have even considered that? Not a chance. My hands were woven so tightly around my life.I literally lived running from my past. Me moving in by the grace of someone else, would mean parts of my past would surface. And you know what? After I prayed and was still, in that moment I realized, it was ok for me. Because I am more fearful of living off of His perfect way, than His permissive way. So I made the choice to bite the bullet, and let the man next to me really lead this family. It just so happens (and this is not for dramas sake) that 2 short minutes after we ended our conversation about trusting the Lord in where to go, a random Facebook friend posts their home with the exact description of our needs....and $200 under our planned budget. And guess what else? It was not available until 30 days after we move out! How obvious can this be? Had I not given this completely to the Lord, without a doubt we would've been in a less than perfect home, with a far higher payment. Do I doubt for a moment the Lord didn't have His Almighty hand on this? Not for a second.




We've been in our new home about 6 weeks now. We've already started building memories...

Sweet moment with my girl on the patio, teaching signs.

My little man so proud of those Easter eggs!

Took this under the trellis in our yard before church on Easter Sunday!

Lilly helping her Daddy in the yard:)



Not a day goes by the Hubby and I don't look at each other and exhale claiming, "We LOVE this house". We find new reasons why constantly. The girl 1 year ago I sadly admit, would've stamped her foot to her husband and demanded we made a choice on our own. Because, I knew I had gotten to my place in life by making my own decisions.....in a small way I was right. But now, I know the future holds God's plan for us. I make darn well sure that in each decision the Lord has His hand on it. It gives me so much peace. The more I make the choice to listen to the Holy Spirit, the better I hear it. It becomes so much more clear. And I'm reminded of the blessings because of my leap of faith. I am filled with gratitude every day by the home He's blessed for our family.

The Power of the Praying for my Family.

Some of you reading this may roll your eyes thinking this is just another stor. A story that in changing the perspective, would have nothing to do with "praying" and more to do with coincidince. Others may read the title of this post and think back on all of the prayers you invested in your family, how much have been answered, and possibly a few that may be lingering unanswered. I'm writing this because I truly believe in the power of prayer. I've seen things change rapidly that haven't moved in years. It's hard for me to believe I've gone through life with out knowing how powerfull prayer can be. Its even harder to think of the things I've struggled with, and that if they were covered in prayer may have had a different outcome.
Lets start with my husband. Justin has been truly blessed with his job. It's given him the ability to provide easily for our family, a positive Christian based company, no commute, and he gets off in the early afternoon abeling him to be with his family most of the day we're awake. However, most of the years a particular employee he works closely with has had an extremely negative effect on Justin. This person has basically harrassed Justin on every aspect of his life. Justin is strong but sometimes is weakened by his constant cristicism and negativity. It was a constant struggle to see my husband constantly being attacked and belittled. If we were in an argument it always ended in the realization this needed to change. We've been married 8 years and I honestly didn't see how this dark spot on Justin's bright life would ever disappear. I've tried everything for him, Everything I humanly could except pray. I've always looked at prayer as a positive thing. Most of my life prayers were written out for me, and as I'd chant them I would try to relate them to my life. It was a struggle for me to turn my mind around, and positivley pray for difficult issues in our life. After I joined a women's group on praying for our husbands, it forced me to bring difficult topics to light. Our marriage has transformed to a level I never could've imagined we could be at together. Not only did Justin's life at work change, but his involvement with everything in his life has changed. He's excelling in his relationships at work, he's more positive, more involved, and all together just happier. I never mentioned to him the specifics of my prayers, until after we realized things had changed. I can't help but feel guilty for not praying earlier. But it's given me amazing insight on what prayer can do. Small miracles in my life from your view, but it's moved mountains for us.

On to my children.....or more so Austin. Since he's 3 and well nbsp;Lilly's still a baby and the most she needs prayer for isn't quite as complex as toddlers! I'm positive I'm not the only Mother who in the midst of an epic toddler meltdown, looks at the family next to me and covets their compliantly polite children sitting ever so perfectly at the table across from me. Their food is thouroughly enjoyed simultaneously as they discuss politics with their 2 year old, while holding hands and waiting eachothers turn to speak at an even decibal. Before I had children I would watch Mothers in grocery stores with their children's perfectly parted hair, fresh pressed clothes, gazing into their blissfull Mother's eyes not even attempting to ask for the M&M's they're eyeing. I would watch these families and my heart would be giddy with excitement on the prospect I just knew that's how MY family would be. God makes those families because He knows this world needs popuation. I'm sure of that. From the day I found out I was pregnant my journey to parenthood was certainly not up to par with my visions from before!
We take Disneyland trips at least once a month since Austin was 14 months old. You would think at this point we would remember that it's going to be at times exhausting, and not anything near our pre- real life of children expections. We go back because the things we remember are the short beautiful moments when your child runs up to Mickey in a bear hug and has a smile that lights brighter than the Disneyland fireworks. This recent trip to Disney went like clockwork. Right around 2 o'clock (nap time) the gut wrenching screaming starts. My belief is it's a mix of overstimulation, lack of sleep, lack of routine, and way WAY too many exciting things the child is not allowed to touch.  Lets not forget the re-teaching of waiting your turn in line over and over and OVER again. This time when I felt my blood start to boil and things start to fall apart. I silently prayed long and hard for every member in my family, it normally sounds a bit like this. "Lord change us. Grant Austin, Justin, Lilly and me patience. Help Austin to be COMPLIANT, help Lilly sleep easily, give my husband energy and the strength to discipline and lead in the way you want him to. Give me the answers to how I should handle my children in the way YOU know they will respond to. Help us to make a memory here." I utter this over and over and over again. Before I knew it, Justin turned to me in amazement that our son is patiently waiting in line. My son waiting his turn is with out a doubt a miracle for us. Austin sat and ate dinner with almost no complaint, miracle number 2. Both of my children fell asleep peacefully in their strollers, as Justin and I shared an ice cream Sunday. We were stopped 4 times with people giving us looks of "aww such beautiful children". For the 2nd half of our visit, WE were the blissfull family. God gave us a gift that night.  Justin full heartedly believes this was because of prayer. There is just no other answer as to how our son completely changed before our eyes this day. We left feeling a sense of closeness with each family member we did not walk in with.
God is moving in my family. His hands are on each person. And the minute we open our hearts and ears to Him, He's able to form a bond that no one can break. If anyone is struggling with their faith, you just have to give Him the opportunity to move. He is the only One who can change hearts. You have to be willing to let Him.
"When we pray, we are humbling ourselves before God and saying, 'I need Your presence and Your power, Lord. I can't do this with out you.' When we don't pray, it's like saying we have no need of anything outside of ourselves."-Stormie Omartian