On being the Serving Wife

Let me start by stating this post is made for Lilly. When she comes to me saying "OK Mom, I've been married for over 2 years...while I love my husband he's just not....rolling out the red carpet like he used to". This post is for her, and any one reading this who is at this point in their marriage.

Growing up my whole life in a seriously dysfunctional Christian home, I was always told, "God first, spouse second, children third, then others, and lastly yourself. While I disagree the fact that if I don't put my personal relationship with God above all else (the latter people will falter), it always stuck in my brain that it's most important to put your husband above all others. By doing this in a large way, it's benefiting your children more than you can see on the surface.
What does it really mean to put your husband first? Does anyone know how painstakingly difficult it is? I do!! For my personality the biggest thing is for me to just SHUT UP. He will most definately appreciate a woman whom is slow to speak. If you can find that woman, I'd love to meet her. The less I give unwanted advice, and the more I search within myself praying for wisdom....the smoother my home life runs, and the more love I feel towards my man. Truth be told if you say something positive about your husband 10 times a day, you'll eventually believe it. Fake it till you make it...that's the context in that saying right? ;)   Ask yourself why you married him...it's certainly not because you don't like him. Treat him as though he is the "Spiritual leader" your constantly praying for. EVEN IF HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT. (Minus drug, and alcohol addiction, that's another story)

In our home I might be what you would consider an "over achiever". I must fight against the urge to add one more thing to my plate, or try to fix one more human being. For Justin, when I'm exhausted he goes without, how fair is that? What am I showing him by piling my plate? I'm showing him that birthday parties, volunteer ministry, micro managing the house, etc. is more important than him. (No, most men would never search that far within to come up with that, but that's what our insight is for). The other night we were discussing our daily life and how happy we have been feeling towards each other...I'm not gonna lie....I've been pretty good to him. He caught me off guard when he said, "yeah it's been pretty good, except for Tuesday nights. Your always so busy putting laundry away and I'm left with the kids by myself.....Hmmmm........ Do you know how bad I fought waving my arm in the air like a psycho woman, stating all of the things I do, and how I'm doing the best I can at making sure his underwear stay clean, blah blah blah. I'm pretty sure my tongue drew blood from biting it so hard. Later in my quiet time, I thought to myself...... it's just one request, and it really isn't that difficult. Instead of having a "laundry day", I thought to throw a load in once every couple days (MIL I don't want to hear even  a snicker from you if your reading this!) I apologize for not coming up with a more profound story than one that has to do with laundry...but for me, it showed it's soul. It is my honest to God goal to make my husband happy. If you have a man that gets up every morning, provides for you, comes home and does not run-around on you, consider yourself blessed with a keeper. There's always something to complain about, that's what we woman do.

   
“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.”-Bob Marley

After 9 years together I have no place in my heart for judgement towards him, no woman has a place for that.
You may ask, "what does it mean to serve him"? A man interviewed in "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" kept it pretty clear.

"Men are simple, give me some good lovin, and make me a sandwich"

While there is more to being a wife than lovin and food, men down to the core truly are so easy to please! Put his needs before your own, do you honestly think he won't do the same? You know his heart, you know what pleases him....DO IT. You'll thank yourself later, trust me.