If you've ever spent more than 5 minutes with me during the day, never would the word "Peace" cross your mind. Most of the time you'll see me warming a bottle with a baby on my hip, while hollering across the room for my toddler to stop ______( just come up with anything to fill in the blank right there and I'm sure it wouldn't surprise me!), with a phone attached to my ear, baby food smeared on my shirt, sweat beads on my forehead, all in the middle of using my imagination for the healthiest dinner possible. You'd never believe by watching me that finally, finally....peace dwells with in my heart.
When I look back at my blogs just 3 months ago, I wonder how in the world did I function? Of course I was what I thought at the time "happy"....I guess. When you pass by a homeless person with their entire world strapped to their shoulders, would you stroll by and think "Yup, he's surely filled with joy." I can't stress how important it is for anyone raising kids, not raising kids, a wife, a sister, a student, a grandmother....you get the picture ANYONE, to deal with every burden they've been carrying with them (you'd be surprised at what you've been carrying and not knowing it). The weight taints your life, it makes it literally impossible to be the person God made you to be. In 3 months I dealt with the betrayal of my parents, which lead me to live a life pure of shame, self neglect, feeling unworthy, bitterness, anger, and always needing every one's approval. Now, when an obstacle comes my way such as speeding tickets, running out of gas, an angry neighbor, temper tantrums (not only from my toddler)...... I can deal with them the way God intends us to deal with life's obstacles, running our frail little behinds to HIM. Never did I do that. I've been a Christian my entire life, I always knew God was there and prayed, but I basically felt alone in the way of making day to day decisions. Example- I'd been contemplating how my children were going to be educated, public school, private school, charter school, home school. The normal me would have decided on whatever felt good that minute....but I made the conscious choice to say "Lord show me what YOU want for Austin and Lilly's education". I felt the Lord opened my heart to home school, when my husband was unsure, the normal me would've forced the issue and "put my foot down", instead I came to God again "Lord, align Justin's and my heart, show us both how you want our children to be educated". Literally, at the same time, in 2 separate locations, the Lord performed His miracle in us....he showed us both the very same minute He wanted us to home school our children (of course I had wished the answer was the easy way, but by now we all know that NEVER happens!) Now when/if I ever revisit the topic of schooling my children I never have to think whether or not I made the right choice, the Lord made the choice, we followed. Period. Would the Lord steer me or my children wrong? No way man. How do I know it was the Lord and not me deciding? I prayed, and on more than 3 occasions the Lord showed BOTH Justin and I His answer.
Do you see how I wondered how in the world I got here by wandering through life? I'll never go back to the old way, there is so much peace in handing the steering wheel of my life to Jesus. My prayer is that everyone can feel this peace in their hearts. Don't carry your crap with you! Deal with it! Let it go! Give it to God...just get it off! He's waiting to do His work in you! Your not alone, not in any part of your life! The Lord is and always has come through for me, now I'm openly letting Him.
